When it comes to defending themselves from an attack, too many people confuse self defense situations with a fair fight. In order to protect yourself in the best way possible, you must understand the key differences between these two situations.
First, there are no rules when you are being attacked. You cannot expect your attacker to fight fair. Nothing is out, including weapons and “unfair” fighting tactics like eye gouging or hits below the belt. As the victim, you must keep this in mind, using every method you know to fight back against an attack. Ignore everything you’ve been taught about what makes a “fair” fight, because this is not one.
Second, the victim is never as prepared as the attacker, and this fight is not evenly matched. Most attacks happen when you’re least expecting them. You may not have martial arts training or be carrying a gun, while it is entirely possible that your attacker has come armed, and he is certainly more prepared for the attack than you are. When attacked, you are put on the defense.
From the beginning, you are in the weaker position. The attacker has made the first strike, making this situation inherently uneven. From the time the confrontation begins, your goal is to gain the upper hand. You must fight back using any means available to you. In order to make a more even playing field, take proactive steps to safeguard your safety and be prepared to fight back. Carry pepper spray, a stun gun, or another self defense devices. These devices can give you a way to fight back even against an attacker who is much bigger or stronger than you.
Our sexuality is a complex process, far beyond the meeting of genitals; and it is a process that envelops the human being in a cocoon of sensuality. It begins in the womb with the fetus bathed in liquid warmth, nurtured by the very blood of its mother, and comforted by the ever-present beating of that nearby heart. Nine months of such intimacy from our earliest moments, leaves us craving that closeness for the rest of our lives. We search for it in relationship with living beings, and if we do not find it where it is most natural, we will substitute for it whatever will give us some comfort.
Our sexuality is as natural as any function of our body, and much more important, because it is so closely connected to our first sensual experience of consciousness in our mother’s womb. Our womb experience was totally sensual, and unless we find that sensuality outside the womb, we will not survive in any balanced human form. That is why children, if allowed to be what they naturally are, will crave to be held, touched and caressed. I once had a client who from the age of eight until the age of fifty-three when she completed her therapy, lived in a hell of shame and blame that caused her immune system to shut down, developing a terminal illness from which her doctors told her she would not recover. This lady, this eight-year-old child, deprived of normal human affection, gravitated to the only warmth and affection available in her cold and sterile environment, the gentle touch of the man who cleaned the floors of the of the hospital ward in which she was isolated. Over time he won her trust. He held her, he caressed her, took advantage of her trust and fondled her; but she looked forward to his presence every night, because his was the only affection she received during each long, lonely day.
Who of us would condemn her to death for longing for and permitting the touch of another human being? She condemned herself, because she was programmed unknowingly by those whom she looked up to as the bearers of ultimate truth, to believe that what she had done was despicable, unforgivable and worthy of a sentence of death. Without knowing it, we too, through our frightened and rigid belief systems about our sexuality, have condemned to a slow death the millions of children who have been molested. Many times, the abused childdoes not know they have been abused. Do we really know how many there are? The latest statistics say one in four, but those are only the ones that have been reported. It is time that they are released from their self-imposed death row. It is time that they understand that they were not to blame, even if they willingly permitted and even enjoyed, and looked forward to the touch of their molester. The worse abuse is not the abuse of the bodies, but that of the hearts and the very souls of these children, the emotional child abuse, by those who would have us fear one of our most basic human needs.
There is a massive distinction between the act of fighting and a self defense situation. Too many people think that such fights will be fair, but they won’t be. You have the right to protect yourself against violence by using reasonable force against an attacker. Doing so does not mean that you agree with fighting or with violence. You must defend yourself during these situations with a survival standpoint, disregarding any comparisons between what you are experiencing and a sport fight
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